![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Leaving my Family..
Jan. 8th, 2007 07:08 pmI ask myself why I`d went there...again...why I care.I ask myself every Monday while walking home,all sweaty and exhausted.It`s been 12 years since I´ve joined 'Terra' a,I guess so, known dancing group in my Town.Gosh..thinking about it..12 years...I entered when I was at the age of 7,first grade. I´ve always been proud to be a member of that group,of my so-called 'Family'...But seeing my group now ...For what did I dance all these years? Did I achiev something I dodn´t know? I loved 'Terra'...and I actually still do but..there`s no 'Terra' anymore...Walking home alone made me think...THere`s noone left..to tell the truth..I don`t got friends there anymore. Okay, there`s one...maybe...
But I can`t help feeling lonley.Today, I thought about leaving my 'family',leaving the group which isn`t anything to me even though,that group 'terra' meant the world for me.
But still..I feel responsible for those who joined.Even though there are so much different from me and my friend,when we entered.I always looked up to my elders,envied them and aimed to dance in programms they made. I never dared to insult them or anything.Maybe thats just me,huh? I`ve got the feeling my 'Jr' are looking down on me. But the worst situation I could have every imagend: Tina, my idol since I first entered came to watch our practise. Seeing her made my heart skip a beat; I still look up to her. She`s so beautiful,moves fluently and ..she´s smiling,the brightes smile I`ve ever seen. So one day she came...
' Oh Sophie! Your are still here,mhm?' 'Oh yeah, she`s teaching the Jr' (<-- Mms Panknin)
...actually...I was ashamed...for being in a group for that long and still stay with the younger ones. I remember that look...I guess she thought 'what a pitty,she`s still dancing the same choreo`s she made when she was in 5th grade'..or something like that...I haven`t improved ,have I ^^
Thinking about my past in 'Terra' and the Present make my heart sink and tears start falling.I hate thinking about leaving them...aferall...'Terra' is me,right? Those 12 years...I`ll treasure them,won`t I?
..gosh..I`m writing nonsens ..again...but I can´t keep my head up. Right now: I´m too ashamed of myself...and after all those lines...there`s still no answer..so i`ll just continue to practise mondays from 5:30 -7:00 ..feeling lonley aferwards...after all..it`s just me,righT?
But I can`t help feeling lonley.Today, I thought about leaving my 'family',leaving the group which isn`t anything to me even though,that group 'terra' meant the world for me.
But still..I feel responsible for those who joined.Even though there are so much different from me and my friend,when we entered.I always looked up to my elders,envied them and aimed to dance in programms they made. I never dared to insult them or anything.Maybe thats just me,huh? I`ve got the feeling my 'Jr' are looking down on me. But the worst situation I could have every imagend: Tina, my idol since I first entered came to watch our practise. Seeing her made my heart skip a beat; I still look up to her. She`s so beautiful,moves fluently and ..she´s smiling,the brightes smile I`ve ever seen. So one day she came...
' Oh Sophie! Your are still here,mhm?' 'Oh yeah, she`s teaching the Jr' (<-- Mms Panknin)
...actually...I was ashamed...for being in a group for that long and still stay with the younger ones. I remember that look...I guess she thought 'what a pitty,she`s still dancing the same choreo`s she made when she was in 5th grade'..or something like that...I haven`t improved ,have I ^^
Thinking about my past in 'Terra' and the Present make my heart sink and tears start falling.I hate thinking about leaving them...aferall...'Terra' is me,right? Those 12 years...I`ll treasure them,won`t I?
..gosh..I`m writing nonsens ..again...but I can´t keep my head up. Right now: I´m too ashamed of myself...and after all those lines...there`s still no answer..so i`ll just continue to practise mondays from 5:30 -7:00 ..feeling lonley aferwards...after all..it`s just me,righT?
